god – Little Did She Know

…Nearing the Starting Line for ALKS 2680 Vibrance-3

Editor’s Note: Since November, I’ve been working on approval to participate in the ALKS 2680 Vibrance-3 clinical trial for Idiopathic Hypersomnia patients. IH is a rare, neurological sleep disorder similar to narcolepsy that is just now getting the attention it deserves. If you have IH or you have a loved one with IH, feel free to follow along here and on my Facebook page, Little Did She Know. To learn more about the clinical trial, visit ClinicalTrials.gov.

It is just after 1 AM on December 31st. If all goes well, in just under seven and a half hours, I’ll receive my first dose for the ALKS 2680 Vibrance-3 clinical trial for #IdiopathicHypersomnia (IH). I’m not nervous about side effects or scared it won’t work. It’s an odd peace, a calm that can only come from Jesus. I know God has me on this path for a purpose. Whether the drug helps, hurts or ends up ineffective like all the others I’ve tried, I’ve given it all over to God. I’m just going through the motions so He can do His work.

Then why am I up at 1 AM, writing about this, you ask? I’m not sure. Could be excitement. Could be the Twix I had before bed. Could be my secondary #DelayedSleepTendency sleep disorder. That’s right, your girl here has not one but two sleep disorders that feud like the Hatfields and the McCoys.

If you read my last post, “…What the ALKS 2680 Vibrance-3 Clinical Trial for IH Is,” you know it’s been a bit of a journey to get to this point in the study. I’ve made three trips to Cleveland Clinic specifically for this clinical trial so far: the initial physical exam/testing appointment, the eye exam required for the study and now a three-day sleep study appointment. I’ve also had to wear an actigraphy watch for the last 10 days, and I started my 14-day Adderall washout 18 days ago. So, let’s talk about this three-day visit and nearing the finish line on meeting the participation requirements.

L-R: On a flight to Akron after the Cleveland flight was cancelled, and arriving at the Cleveland Clinic main campus after a rocky start. Can you tell I was so tired that morning, I forgot to brush my hair?

I arrived in Cleveland on Monday, December 29. Getting here in itself was a side quest. I had to fly from Charleston, WV, to Charlotte to Cleveland – yes, I had to go south to go north – and upon arriving in Charlotte for my connection, the Cleveland flights were cancelled due to wind from the winter storm in the Great Lakes region. I was rerouted to Akron, Ohio, and then took a 48-minute Lyft ride with a lovely driver named Janelle. Considering I had been off my stimulant for 16 days at that point and had not had any caffeine in two days as a requirement of the sleep studies, I think I navigated that situation pretty well.

When I arrived on Monday, I did some additional questionnaires and last-minute prep work for the sleep studies in the clinical trial wing at the Cleveland Clinic. Then I checked into my hotel and took a nap before returning to the hospital for the scheduled polysomnography (PSG) and the maintenance of wakefulness test (MWT).

I mentioned in “…What the ALKS 2680 Vibrance-3 Clinical Trial for IH Is” that the PSG is the nighttime test given to diagnose sleep apnea, and it’s the first of two sleep studies used to diagnose narcolepsy and IH. If a patient passes the PSG, they stay in the clinic to continue an MSLT for Narcolepsy or IH diagnosis. This was my third PSG, and I passed it with flying colors.

In my last post, I explained that diagnosis also requires the multiple sleep latency test (MSLT), which is a series of nap opportunities spaced two hours apart over 8 to 10 hours during which the patient is in bed in a dark room and is told to try to go to sleep. During an MSLT, the following is measured: if the patient goes to sleep, how fast the patient goes to sleep, if the patient hits REM and how fast the patient hits REM. Each opportunity is 30 minutes, and if the patient falls asleep, they are allowed to sleep up to the 30-minute window.

Similarly, the MWT places the patient in a darkened room, sitting up in bed instead of lying down. Like the MSLT, this test is done every two hours over an 8 to 10 hour period. The test measures if the patient falls asleep and how quickly they fall asleep. As soon as the patient falls asleep, the test facilitator wakes them up. For both tests, the patient must stay awake for the time between each nap opportunity.

L-R: (Left) Tuesday morning, we removed all the wiring except the electrodes that measured brain activity necessary for the MWT. (Middle) After MWT nap #1; I don’t know if you can see how tired I was, but I fell asleep twice playing one of the brain games. I’ve never done that before. (Right) Dressed and ready to go back to the hotel after a grueling 24 hours of sleep tests.

During the MWT, they also had me doing tests – or brain games – on an iPad to check my memory skills and my response time while being without stimulants or naps. They will use the PSG and MWT results to confirm my diagnosis, get approval for my receiving the medication and document a baseline, and they will use the computer games throughout the clinical trial to look for any improvements while on the new drug as compared to the results taken during the MWT.

Later this morning, I’ll return to the clinic to find out if I’m approved to receive the medication in the blind study. We expect a yes, especially since I fell asleep within 5 to 10 minutes of lights out yesterday for three of the four naps (we had some outside stimulant interference that had an impact on the last nap). If we get the go, I’ll have another physical exam by a doctor this morning and complete more blood work and an EKG. I’ll then receive my first dose at 8:30 AM, and they will monitor me for a while after taking that dose because initial side effects with the first dose varied among narcolepsy patients, and I’ll be the first IH patient at Cleveland Clinic to receive the medication.

If approved to begin, I’ll report back to Cleveland Clinic every two weeks for an in-person check-up, additional testing like another eye exam and blood work and to receive the next two weeks’ worth of medication. The trial is a blind study, so no one knows if I will get an actual dosage of the medicine or a placebo. In about 8 weeks, I’ll have to come back and do another sleep study test series to compare results.

When I agreed to this trial, I knew there would be a lot of visits to Cleveland. I didn’t remember what it felt like to not be on Adderall, and while I knew coming off of it in the washout would be hard, I underestimated how hard that would be. I’ve been a complete zombie since I came off the Adderall, napping two and three times a day, and it’s still not enough. The sleep inertia is terrible, my productivity for everything is low, and I am irritable. But I trust God to see me through this.

Because here’s the thing. After God moved mountains for me in hurricane season, I know without a doubt He’s got my back. He’s already at the end of this study. He’s already fought the battle for me. Whatever happens – whether this drug helps or doesn’t – He’s already got it all worked out. I feel like He’s leading me into this study, and something really special is going to come out of it. (Read about God moving mountains in hurricane season here: “…She’d See God Move Mountains.”)

Trust me, kid. I’ve got you.

I don’t like flying, and the flight into Akron was particularly rocky. To distract myself, I stuck an earbud in my ear and turned on my “God” playlist on my phone. I heard a really cool song by Anne Wilson that I had never listened to before, and I want to share it with you. The song is called “Scatter,” and the lyrics say:

“Before I hit the front line, You’ve already gone before. I know that I know the battle is the Lord’s.”

…She’d See God Move Mountains

This past summer, I was on the verge of quitting my job. Like, walking-away-without-a-plan quitting. My internal gas tank was completely empty.

Let me pause here to say that I really do like my job. I love that God uses the American Red Cross as a medium through which I can love and serve like Jesus. (Want to learn more about what I do in Disaster at the American Red Cross? Check out “Humberto, Imelda and Pre-Landfall Disaster Response.”)

But occasionally I go through one of these “episodes.” I don’t know what else to call them, but I know they are born out of burnout, compassion fatigue, extreme emotional exhaustion and exacerbated chronic illness symptoms. Every time I have experienced one of these episodes, I have prayed and asked God to open a door and move me to another job. A less stressful job. A job more compatible with my chronic illness symptoms. And every time, He has said the same thing.

Stay.

I know He hears my prayers when I have no words, so He has definitely heard every sigh when that’s the answer He gives. Every time I plead my case to Him, the end result is the same: I submit and say, “If this is where You want me to be, I’ll stay as long as You want me here.”

The episode I had this past summer was different. It felt bigger than the others, more desperate. Looking back, I think this episode was also compounded by #spiritualwarfare because what happened when I obeyed and stayed instead of jumping ship has had a huge impact on my faith.

It started when we stood up a disaster relief operation in mid-February for flooding in Southern West Virginia. Not only are operations stressful and demanding, but the impact of knowing others – in this case, West Virginians – were affected, is heartbreaking.

February 2025 flooding in Welch, WV. Photo and story can be found on https://www.wvnews.com/.

I had been to the town of Welch, WV, in June 2024 on a mission trip to assist in cleaning up buildings on the main street that had been damaged from a previous round of flooding. The 2025 flood was a personal hurt for me because I had met some of the people who had moved to Welch and put everything they had into those buildings and starting new businesses and faith-based operations to help the rural community.

It was during the Southern West Virginia disaster operation that my dad was hospitalized for pneumonia and my cat, Miles, had a life-threatening health episode. Did I mention stress exacerbates #IdiopathicHypersomnia symptoms?

On Father’s Day, flash flooding in both Wheeling (Ohio County) and Fairmont (Marion County), WV, led us to stand up a second disaster operation. In Wheeling there were fatalities, adding a different level of complexity to the urgency of providing help on the ground.

Aftermath of the flash flooding in Ohio County, WV, on Father’s Day 2025 that took the lives of 7. Photo and story can be found at https://wvmetronews.com.

Then, on July 4, I woke up to news of the Texas flash flooding that took at least 135 lives, including children attending Camp Mystic.

Through my tears, I had that same conversation with God again, and again I got the same answer.

Stay.

What I did next is what I think Papa God was waiting for me to do all along. I said, “Okay, but I need your help. This job is too hard. My IH is too hard. I can’t do it by myself.”

“By myself.” That was part of the problem. I was trying to do this job God wanted me to do without Him. I had asked God for this job, but I had never invited Him into it. I don’t think when He put me in this job He intended for me to carry it all on my own because He knew it would be a lot. And as soon as those words were out of my mouth – “I need your help” – I now know He immediately rolled up His sleeves and got to work.

I didn’t realize until just a couple of weeks ago what God had been working on for me between July and November. There are three big things in particular – mountains He moved – that stick out to me when I think about how He heard me and He responded. First, I realized He had grown the size of my volunteer team. This is no easy feat. There is a shortage of volunteers, and the work we do on my team can be very complex. He has given me smart, willing, compassionate volunteers to help me carry the load every day, which is helpful to me in my chronic illness and a benefit to the region – and nation – when we need to respond to disaster.

Second, He provided me with the only medication that has had any kind of impact on my Idiopathic Hypersomnia. I needed that wakefulness to be able to train my new team members. I have literally been on every medication, including Xywav, in the last three years, and this is the first time I’ve experienced any level of relief.

Third – and this is the big one – He literally rerouted every hurricane in the 2025 season that was heading for the East Coast.

You read that right.My God moved the Mount Everest of mountains for me. He did what I never even entertained as a possibility when asking for help to get through hurricane season. He made what was expected to be an above average season the opposite.

“…Even the wind and waves obey Him!” (Matthew 8:27, Mark 4:41, Luke 8:25)

There has not been one single hurricane that has made landfall on the East Coast this hurricane season. Yes, Tropical Storm Chantal made landfall, but it wasn’t a hurricane. Yes, Hurricane Erin came close enough to cause beach erosion, strong surf, rip currents and coastal flooding, but it didn’t make landfall. Yes, Hurricane Melissa made landfall, but it was in Jamaica, not the U.S., making it an International Red Cross response. Even Imelda, who appeared to be on track to make landfall on the East Coast near North Carolina on the one-year anniversary of Hurricane Helene, made a sharp right out at sea like the others.

Photo of Imelda path from https://www.accuweather.com.

If you google the reason why most of this year’s hurricanes turned right and stayed out at sea instead of making landfall, you’ll see articles and videos explaining that dips – or troughs – in the jet stream have helped push the tropical systems out to sea and away from the East Coast. If you google why Imelda turned away from North Carolina, you’ll see credit given to Hurricane Humberto and the Fujiwhara effect.

But I know the truth. There was a mountain called Hurricane Season standing in my way, and when I asked God for general help, He got specific about clearing a path.

I can hear you now. “Jenn, you really think God diverted the entire hurricane season for you? Seriously?”

Serious as a Cat 5.

I think God answered a lot of people’s prayers by diverting those storms because a lot of people are tired, and a lot of people still need time to recover from last year.

But I also believe He did it for me. I asked for help, and He heard me and He answered.

Trust me, kid. I’ve got you.

If I had left my job based on my emotions instead of obeying and staying, I would have missed out on seeing God do big things. Faith-changing things. Worship-inspiring things. Every day I listen to “What an Awesome God” by Phil Wickham because it expresses what I feel after seeing what He has done. “Fire in His eyes. Healing in His veins. Everywhere His glory on display. Take a look at the stars. He can name ’em all. Before His throne every knee falls. The demons have to run, the angels have to praise.Even the wind and waves obey.”

I have a confession. My faith in God following through for me has always been weak. Not because I don’t think He can but because I think why would He do for me when there are so many others hurting more than I am. If I had left my job instead of listening to Him, I would not have seen what He is willing to do for me. I would not have seen how truly big my God is. How awesome my God is. It is emboldening and exciting and beautiful to see what He can do. And I understand now when people say that if you trust God, He will work things out in ways that are bigger and better than you can ever imagine.

I literally can’t wait to see what He does next.

Did you know I have a Spotify list for the songs I mention in my blog posts?

Look for Little Did She Know on Spotify and follow along!

Song Recommendation for the Week:

“Don’t Stop Praying” by Matthew West

“What’s your impossible? You’re ‘I need a miracle?’ What’s got you barely hanging by a single thread? …Don’t stop believing ‘cause mountains move with just a little faith. And your Father’s heard every single word you’re saying, so don’t stop praying.”

…Luna’s Foster Fail Story

I got my start with fostering kittens in 2018. I lived in Columbus, Ohio, at the time, and on Mother’s Day weekend I was out on a run when I came across five six-week-old kittens. I had never fostered before. I had never had a kitten that small before. I don’t think I had ever done a flea bath before, and I had definitely never used kitten formula before.

I had also never had kids, although I always thought I would. Mother’s Day could be kind of a sad day when I let the absence of motherhood get to me, and I believe that Mother’s Day weekend God opened a door for healing by showing me a different kind of motherhood He had planned for me.

Fast forward to fall 2024: We lovingly call our home Weasley Meowtain Lodge in honor of Molly, Charlie and Percy Weasley (yes, named for #HarryPotter characters) that we rescued from a local gas station after we moved back home to West Virginia. Weasley Meowtain is what we call our fostering operation (visit our Facebook page!). We are not a 501(c)3; we just foster. But we foster a lot. And through Weasley Mountain we partner with and support other rescues and operations like Operation Fancy Free LLC, Itty Bitty Kitty Committee, and Fix ‘Em Clinic.

When we started fostering at Weasley Meowtain, I had to set very clear boundaries about the fact that we would not be foster failing any cats. (Foster Fail: to adopt the cat or cats you are fostering.) And it was hard because you do love all the cats and kittens you take in, and saying goodbye when they get adopted is hard even when that is the goal. But if you adopt your fosters, it’s hard to help other cats, and there are always other cats that need a foster home. Besides, we already had 5: the Weasleys, free-range felines that patrol our five acres, and Jovie and Miles, indoor adult cats.

In 2024, we had a constant flow of cats and kittens in foster care at our house. Come September, we took in #TeamHogwarts, five eight-week-old kittens rescued during a TNR operation in our county. Then we added Hermione, who was trapped on a riverbank and brought into the fold (see Hermione’s story here). All the kittens got adopted – all except Harry Potter. He was living in the kitten room by himself, and I was afraid he would miss his siblings, so I asked the rescue for a friend for him while we waited for him to get adopted. I got a call on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving about a four-week-old black little fluffball that had come in as TNR and was too small to fix and too small to go back outside. She was missing hair on her tail, and she had a deformed right eye. The day before Thanksgiving, we brought her home to Weasley Meowtain.

I named her Luna Lovegood because the intention was for her to be a good friend to Harry Potter.

Little did I know how good of a friend she would become.

Luna was very small, and at first I was worried about her being with Harry, who was a good three months older than her. I was so worried, in fact, that I was sure we would have to keep them separated. Luna desperately needed to be socialized, though, so I reached out to the rescue again for a friend for Luna. That’s when I ended up with #TeamFrosty.

Team Frosty is the litter that was abandoned in a box out in a snow storm, and by the time a good Samaritan delivered them to the rescue, they were critically ill, especially #JackFrost. They also had ringworm, which is a long kitten rescue story for another time.

Anna in front with Jack Frost behind her.

Since Team Frosty was so sick, I had to quarantine them. That meant Luna had to stay with Harry. Under supervision, Harry learned to play carefully with Luna, and it turned out beautifully – until Luna was diagnosed with ringworm. It made its way from Team Frosty’s quarantine room to her, likely through me. Ringworm is a nasty beast, and I don’t recommend it.

Anyway, she needed to be quarantined from Harry so he didn’t get it too. When I tried to introduce her to Team Frosty so they could quarantine together, Luna threw a holy fit. I made the introductions in a gated-off area of the hallway, and Harry was in the kitten room with the door closed. When I put Luna with Team Frosty, Luna hissed and growled. Harry stuck his arms under the door to get near Luna, and Luna went over and stood next to his arms. They did not want to be separated.

Now, listen. We don’t make decisions based on what the cats like necessarily because they definitely don’t like flea baths and Clavamox and ringworm treatment, but those things have to be done. But I did have a decision to make: force Luna into the other litter or let Luna and Harry quarantine together, knowing Harry had already been exposed and may or may not get ringworm. Luna won. We had two quarantine rooms for ringworm kittens for four months.

And no, Harry, by some miracle, did not get ringworm.

After the ringworm was cleared, we were able to have a procedure done on Luna’s eyes to alleviate any discomfort. The eye did not have to be removed because it was not causing her any issues, but her eyelid was rolling in, causing hair to irritate her eye. She had a little cosmetic procedure to address that. Her coat also went through a crazy transformation: at one point, so much of her hair had turned gray, it looked like she was wearing a vest. Now, she has tufts of gray behind her ears, under her chin, and on the backs of her legs. She’s pretty adorable.

In the time we quarantined them, Harry and Luna fully bonded. There was no separating them. When the ringworm was gone, we had to make another decision: do we try to get Luna and Harry adopted together, or do we foster fail them both?

Harry Albus Sirius Severus Potter and Luna Bellatrix Mad-Eye Moody Lovegood were, in fact, foster fails in Spring 2025.

I never intended to keep any foster kittens. I never intended to have seven cats. But motherhood doesn’t always look the way we think it will.

Happy 1st birthday to my Halloween-born black beauty, Luny Tunes. Momma loves you, you crazy, spastic, sassy, chatterbox who loves Harry, likes candy and never misses an opportunity to throw paws at Miles and Jovie.

…God Will Avenge Your Hurt

If you know me, you know I am not a confrontational person. However, if you hurt my family, my friends, or my cats, my initial urge is to pay it back tenfold. Like Katniss Everdeen, I raise my hand to volunteer as tribune for the #AngerGames. I’m ready to fight for the title of judge, jury and punisher. Don’t act like you are surprised, and don’t act like you wouldn’t be the same way.

But here’s the good news: We don’t have to lash out with fists or words when someone hurts us because nothing we do in response to offense compares to God’s response when one of His children is hurt. (His children = you and me.)

On a rare morning when I wasn’t fighting wakefulness with #IdiopathicHypersomnia, I went outside to my God spot – the place I frequently go to talk to God – to read my Bible. He unexpectedly gifted me Psalm 18.

I didn’t have a plan of what I was going to read that morning, and I don’t even know how I landed on Psalm 18:6-19. I had to read it twice to make sure my eyes weren’t deceiving me. It left me stunned. To paraphrase:

“In my distress, I called upon the Lord, and from His temple, He heard me. The earth reeled and rocked; the foundations of the mountains trembled and quaked, because He was angry. Smoke went from His nostrils, and a devouring fire from His mouth. He parted the heavens and came down; thick blackness under His feet…He came swiftly on the wings of the wind. And He sent out His arrows and scattered my enemies…The foundations of the world were laid bare at Your rebuke, Lord…He drew me out of many waters. He rescued me from my strong enemy and from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the Lord was my support…He rescued me, because He delighted in me.
Psalm 18:6-19

Do you want to see something really cool? When I asked ChatGPT to use Romans 18:6-19 to create an image of how God was depicted in those verses, this is what it gave me:

If this is even the tiniest bit of a true depiction of the God of the Universe – the One I get to call Papa God, the One who calls me chosen, the One who fights for me every minute and has already won all my battles, the One who delights in me – how blessed am I? And if I am blessed, so are you, friend, because He calls you chosen too.

There’s another image I came across about a year ago. There is a really talented painter who has a series of images I love. His name is Kevin Carden, and this is his depiction of when we are in trouble and Jesus comes running to save us:

Friend, no matter what you’re going through…

No matter what what they accuse you of…

No matter what they say about you…

No matter how alone you feel…

When you cry out to God, He hears you, and He responds. Even when the only words you can get out are a whispered “God, help me” or when there are no words at all, only tears.

The thing I love about Lauren Daigle’s song “Rescue” is that it is written from God’s POV when we send out an SOS to Him. I had never even thought about what God might possibly say when I cry out to Him, and hearing this song helped me understand just a little better God’s love for us.

Rescue – Lauren Daigle

“I hear you whisper underneath your breath, I hear your SOS. I will send out an army to find you In the middle of the darkest night. It’s true, I will rescue you. I will never stop marching to reach you In the middle of the hardest fight. It’s true, I will rescue you.”

I’m finally learning now, after 45 years, how passionate the God of the Universe is about me. Sinful, weak, judgmental, vengeance-seeking me. And friend, He loves you just as passionately with enormous, earth-trembling, mountain-foundation-shaking love.

He sees what they do to you. He hears what they say to you and what they say about you when you are not in the room. He knows it hurts, and He knows you want them to pay. And I think it’s okay to defend yourself, but don’t wage war. Don’t harbor hate. Don’t seek vengeance.

Vengeance is God’s, and He will make all things right.

Friend, this world is cold and hard and painful. Fix your eyes on the Father who created you in His image, on the God who delights in you. Let Him love you. Let Him carry your pain. Let Him have the vengeance.

Trust Him. He’s already won the battle for you.

The best place in this world is under His wings, fully protected and fully at peace, resting in the truth that His help is on the way, always.

Recommended Song for This Week: Help Is on the Way – Toby Mac

“Sometimes it’s days, Sometimes it’s years, Some face a lifetime of falling tears. But He’s in the darkness, He’s in the cold, Just like the morning, He always shows…Help is on the way.”

Little Did She Know: Origin Story

You ever hit rock bottom and found God there? I did. And He delivered on examples of His faithfulness all on one Sunday morning to the point there was no doubt left in me that He is for me.

April 2025 was a tough month. Our foster kittens, #TeamFrosty, were on month four of a grueling ringworm treatment regimen. At work, we had wrapped up a disaster operation for flooding in Southern West Virginia, and those operations always take a toll. My #idiopathichypersomnia was flaring. My immune-compromised cat, Miles, got very sick.

Then my dad ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. It felt like things all around me were spinning out of control, and I was so defeated.

On Sunday, April 13th, I went to church. During the 30-minute drive, I told God I was broken, and then I proceeded to list off all the ways to prove my point. Looking back, I imagine He smiled and shook His head because He knew what I was going to find at church.

It’s true I always cry during the worship songs, but on this day, I was bawling, that whole-body-shaking kind of cry you never want anyone to see. Every single worship song sung that morning spoke directly to me:

God So Loved (We the Kingdom): “Come all you weary, come all you thirsty, Come to the well that never runs dry. Drink of the water, come and thirst no more.”

Stand in Your Love (Josh Baldwin): “When darkness tries to roll over my bones, When sorrow comes to steal the joy I own, When brokenness and pain is all I know, I won’t be shaken, no, I won’t be shaken. ‘Cause my fear doesn’t stand a chance When I stand in Your love.”

This Is Our God (Phil Wickham): “Remember that fear that took our breath away? Faith so weak that we could barely pray, But He heard every word, every whisper. This is our God, this is who He is, He loves us.”

I Was Made for More (Bethel Music, Josh Baldwin, and Jenn Johnson): “’Cause I wasn’t made to be tending a grave. I was called by name, Born and raised back to life again. I was made for more.”

The words that came to me over and over were: Trust me, kid. I’ve got you.

I sat down and began taking note in my phone of what was happening: Every single worship song is a love letter from Him to me. A DM from His lips to my heart. A not-so-gentle reminder that He is not limited by what I think makes me unworthy and that He is working for me.

The sermon that day, delivered by Pastor Jay, was on the last chapter of Ruth: “Ruth & Redemption.” The sermon’s theme was “Little did they know.”

That’s right – the blog name I had been praying for, asking God to give me, for over a year was handed to me just like that.

The sermon talked about how every person’s story has pain, death, and suffering. About how “We’re written into a greater story, and we’re sent out for the greatest purpose: to love God, to love others, to serve God, and help others know Him.”

About how “God uses broken people to fulfill His plan.”

I’m sure I was sitting there with my mouth wide open. I had just confessed that morning how broken I was, and God gave me reassurance through Jay’s sermon that my brokenness can’t stop Him.

Trust me, kid. I’ve got you.

“We don’t have it together, but we trust our lives to the One who does.”

After the service, I went back to the K-3 room for Sunday School duty, and reminders of God’s faithfulness continued to overwhelm me. I stood there, crying again, reading the month’s memory verse. John 16:33: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Trust me, kid.

The takeaway for the Sunday school lesson that day was “Whatever happens, remember God is still working.”

I’ve got you.

On April 13, I sought Him, and He didn’t just show up. He delivered reassurance after reassurance to me in a way that left no doubt. I don’t believe in coincidences. I do believe God moves us to do certain things, like pick those worship songs or write that sermon with specific words, because someone needs to hear the message a certain way.

God laid on my heart over a year ago to do this blog, and I have dragged my feet. Maybe it’s an exercise in obedience; maybe He wants me to get my creative juices flowing again for the next big adventure. I think, though, He wants me to do this blog because like I needed those worship songs and those sermon words that morning, someone out there needs to see examples of how faithful and loving our God is.

Thank you to Jay Teodoro for letting me borrow “Little Did She Know” for this blog. You can hear his sermon on Ruth & Redemption here.

Someone Out There Needs This

It’s been a tough couple of months. As a cat rescuer/foster, I got my hardest litter (to date) on December 12. I named Jack Frost that night because I thought he was going to die. One of the many times I got up that night to make sure he was still breathing, I sat outside the crate where he and his two sisters were quarantined and cried and prayed. I begged God to please not let him die, to please not do that to me. It was a selfish prayer, but I was honest with Him: I told Him my heart just could not take that.

Jack Frost survived the night, but our journey into getting him well was only just beginning. The week of Christmas, he took a turn for the worse. I spent the week transporting him from vet care in the day to emergency vet hospital monitoring at night. That Friday, another foster and I got up early and drove him from Charleston, WV, to Columbus, Ohio. It was thought he had congestive heart failure, and we needed an echocardiogram. There wasn’t anyone in West Virginia who could both do the echo and read the results right away; it would take a week for results. I didn’t know if we had a week.

Jack Frost in the emergency hospital on 12/24. Jack coming home from Columbus on 12/27.

In Columbus, we learned Jack’s pneumonia was clearing up and his heart was fine. We had a great win – an answer to prayer – and then the next battle began: ringworm treatment. Did you know that treating ringworm in cats is at best a six-week plan? In our house, it impacted five kittens and revolved around two quarantine rooms, daily cleanings, lots of laundry, medicated baths and wipes, and a crazy oral medication schedule because all five kittens needed a different dose starting on different days. It’s no surprise my my chronic illness – IH – picked right then to flare up.

IH or Idiopathic Hypersomnia is a neurological disorder similar to Narcolepsy that has no cause, no cure and for me no treatments that ease symptoms.

I asked myself – and God – many times why me. The answer I always got was that there’s a purpose. I have no idea what the purpose is. Maybe it’s showing that even with IH I can still dig in and do important things. Maybe it’s giving me knowledge for animal care that will be necessary at a future time. Maybe those kittens need to get healthy because they are meant to go to a home where a family really, really needs loving pets. Or maybe it was so I would focus my eyes more on Jesus and less on everything else.

I am the disaster workforce engagement manager for American Red Cross – Central Appalachia Region.

I’ve been going through a “season” probably since Hurricane Helene hit in late September. I work in disaster response with the American Red Cross. The aftermath – and our response – took a major toll on me. I was working long hours, trying to do my part to meet the needs of help and hope for those impacted. I had foster kittens at home that needed to be adopted, which is the most stressful part of fostering for me. Our October vacation was almost derailed because Priceline is terrible. The holidays came out of nowhere, and then the sick kittens arrived. I had gone off my antidepressants and found in the midst of my misery that I did, in fact, need therapeutic drugs (and that’s okay). I feel like I can’t ever catch my breath. With IH, I only have so much I can give every day, and I have to choose what will have to wait – or never get done – versus what must be done no matter how I feel. And there is so much guilt and worthlessness that goes with that. It has felt like a continuous downpour of chaos.

But what I have found is that at my rock bottom these last several weeks, I have looked to God more. I have stopped and noticed the beautiful sunset and thanked Him. I have paid attention when I have seen encouraging memes or songs that randomly play on the car radio that seem to speak directly to me. That’s not a coincidence. That’s a God nod. There was one meme I saw a recently on Facebook – and have seen several times since – that says something along the lines of “God, don’t just let me endure through this difficult time. Don’t just get me through it. Use this to grow me, to refine me like gold in the fire.” If I’m going to go through this, I want to gain from it, and I want to gain what will help me serve Papa God better. I’m exhausted, but He gives me strength. He drives me to continue doing good, despite the IH flair up and the ringworm that seems like it will never go away.

Why am I sharing all of this? Because God has put on my heart to share it. There is someone somewhere out there who needs to read this. Someone who needs a friend who is also walking through the storm and trying to learn to trust Jesus and needs to see they aren’t the only one struggling.

Maybe there’s someone out there trying to be a humanitarian – whether with people or animals – and is discouraged. People are hard to love. Animals are hard to understand. But our purpose remains. And maybe that someone needs some encouragement to continuing fighting the good fight. Or needs some tips on how to treat ringworm in a litter of kittens from someone who has now struggled through it for seven weeks.

Maybe there’s someone out there dealing with a chronic illness and they need to hear that yeah, it sucks, but we can’t give up living. We have an invisible illness that people discount or criticize, and it hurts. We have to fight harder for every accomplishment. Maybe they need to know someone understands – someone sees them.

So here I am, kicking off this blog – the blog God has had on my heart for better part of a year that I have continued to drag my feet with launching – because even though things are hard in my world right now, God is for me. And He’s for you. And sometimes He puts a meme or a song or a blog post in front of us to give us peace, to give us knowledge, and to show us we aren’t alone in our struggles. If that’s you – if you’re the one intended to see this post – I’m Jenn. Let’s be friends. We can fight and overcome the challenges of this life and our chronic illnesses and the struggles of humanitarianism together.