IdiopathicHypersomnia – Little Did She Know

…Nearing the Starting Line for ALKS 2680 Vibrance-3

Editor’s Note: Since November, I’ve been working on approval to participate in the ALKS 2680 Vibrance-3 clinical trial for Idiopathic Hypersomnia patients. IH is a rare, neurological sleep disorder similar to narcolepsy that is just now getting the attention it deserves. If you have IH or you have a loved one with IH, feel free to follow along here and on my Facebook page, Little Did She Know. To learn more about the clinical trial, visit ClinicalTrials.gov.

It is just after 1 AM on December 31st. If all goes well, in just under seven and a half hours, I’ll receive my first dose for the ALKS 2680 Vibrance-3 clinical trial for #IdiopathicHypersomnia (IH). I’m not nervous about side effects or scared it won’t work. It’s an odd peace, a calm that can only come from Jesus. I know God has me on this path for a purpose. Whether the drug helps, hurts or ends up ineffective like all the others I’ve tried, I’ve given it all over to God. I’m just going through the motions so He can do His work.

Then why am I up at 1 AM, writing about this, you ask? I’m not sure. Could be excitement. Could be the Twix I had before bed. Could be my secondary #DelayedSleepTendency sleep disorder. That’s right, your girl here has not one but two sleep disorders that feud like the Hatfields and the McCoys.

If you read my last post, “…What the ALKS 2680 Vibrance-3 Clinical Trial for IH Is,” you know it’s been a bit of a journey to get to this point in the study. I’ve made three trips to Cleveland Clinic specifically for this clinical trial so far: the initial physical exam/testing appointment, the eye exam required for the study and now a three-day sleep study appointment. I’ve also had to wear an actigraphy watch for the last 10 days, and I started my 14-day Adderall washout 18 days ago. So, let’s talk about this three-day visit and nearing the finish line on meeting the participation requirements.

L-R: On a flight to Akron after the Cleveland flight was cancelled, and arriving at the Cleveland Clinic main campus after a rocky start. Can you tell I was so tired that morning, I forgot to brush my hair?

I arrived in Cleveland on Monday, December 29. Getting here in itself was a side quest. I had to fly from Charleston, WV, to Charlotte to Cleveland – yes, I had to go south to go north – and upon arriving in Charlotte for my connection, the Cleveland flights were cancelled due to wind from the winter storm in the Great Lakes region. I was rerouted to Akron, Ohio, and then took a 48-minute Lyft ride with a lovely driver named Janelle. Considering I had been off my stimulant for 16 days at that point and had not had any caffeine in two days as a requirement of the sleep studies, I think I navigated that situation pretty well.

When I arrived on Monday, I did some additional questionnaires and last-minute prep work for the sleep studies in the clinical trial wing at the Cleveland Clinic. Then I checked into my hotel and took a nap before returning to the hospital for the scheduled polysomnography (PSG) and the maintenance of wakefulness test (MWT).

I mentioned in “…What the ALKS 2680 Vibrance-3 Clinical Trial for IH Is” that the PSG is the nighttime test given to diagnose sleep apnea, and it’s the first of two sleep studies used to diagnose narcolepsy and IH. If a patient passes the PSG, they stay in the clinic to continue an MSLT for Narcolepsy or IH diagnosis. This was my third PSG, and I passed it with flying colors.

In my last post, I explained that diagnosis also requires the multiple sleep latency test (MSLT), which is a series of nap opportunities spaced two hours apart over 8 to 10 hours during which the patient is in bed in a dark room and is told to try to go to sleep. During an MSLT, the following is measured: if the patient goes to sleep, how fast the patient goes to sleep, if the patient hits REM and how fast the patient hits REM. Each opportunity is 30 minutes, and if the patient falls asleep, they are allowed to sleep up to the 30-minute window.

Similarly, the MWT places the patient in a darkened room, sitting up in bed instead of lying down. Like the MSLT, this test is done every two hours over an 8 to 10 hour period. The test measures if the patient falls asleep and how quickly they fall asleep. As soon as the patient falls asleep, the test facilitator wakes them up. For both tests, the patient must stay awake for the time between each nap opportunity.

L-R: (Left) Tuesday morning, we removed all the wiring except the electrodes that measured brain activity necessary for the MWT. (Middle) After MWT nap #1; I don’t know if you can see how tired I was, but I fell asleep twice playing one of the brain games. I’ve never done that before. (Right) Dressed and ready to go back to the hotel after a grueling 24 hours of sleep tests.

During the MWT, they also had me doing tests – or brain games – on an iPad to check my memory skills and my response time while being without stimulants or naps. They will use the PSG and MWT results to confirm my diagnosis, get approval for my receiving the medication and document a baseline, and they will use the computer games throughout the clinical trial to look for any improvements while on the new drug as compared to the results taken during the MWT.

Later this morning, I’ll return to the clinic to find out if I’m approved to receive the medication in the blind study. We expect a yes, especially since I fell asleep within 5 to 10 minutes of lights out yesterday for three of the four naps (we had some outside stimulant interference that had an impact on the last nap). If we get the go, I’ll have another physical exam by a doctor this morning and complete more blood work and an EKG. I’ll then receive my first dose at 8:30 AM, and they will monitor me for a while after taking that dose because initial side effects with the first dose varied among narcolepsy patients, and I’ll be the first IH patient at Cleveland Clinic to receive the medication.

If approved to begin, I’ll report back to Cleveland Clinic every two weeks for an in-person check-up, additional testing like another eye exam and blood work and to receive the next two weeks’ worth of medication. The trial is a blind study, so no one knows if I will get an actual dosage of the medicine or a placebo. In about 8 weeks, I’ll have to come back and do another sleep study test series to compare results.

When I agreed to this trial, I knew there would be a lot of visits to Cleveland. I didn’t remember what it felt like to not be on Adderall, and while I knew coming off of it in the washout would be hard, I underestimated how hard that would be. I’ve been a complete zombie since I came off the Adderall, napping two and three times a day, and it’s still not enough. The sleep inertia is terrible, my productivity for everything is low, and I am irritable. But I trust God to see me through this.

Because here’s the thing. After God moved mountains for me in hurricane season, I know without a doubt He’s got my back. He’s already at the end of this study. He’s already fought the battle for me. Whatever happens – whether this drug helps or doesn’t – He’s already got it all worked out. I feel like He’s leading me into this study, and something really special is going to come out of it. (Read about God moving mountains in hurricane season here: “…She’d See God Move Mountains.”)

Trust me, kid. I’ve got you.

I don’t like flying, and the flight into Akron was particularly rocky. To distract myself, I stuck an earbud in my ear and turned on my “God” playlist on my phone. I heard a really cool song by Anne Wilson that I had never listened to before, and I want to share it with you. The song is called “Scatter,” and the lyrics say:

“Before I hit the front line, You’ve already gone before. I know that I know the battle is the Lord’s.”

…She Has Idiopathic Hypersomnia

Blogger’s Note: Follow my journey as I join an Idiopathic Hypersomnia clinical trial through Cleveland Clinic! If you have IH, know someone who has IH or just want to learn more about this rare sleep disorder, click follow at the bottom or check out Little Did She Know on Facebook.

All my life, I have struggled with sleep. I have always had a hard time waking up in the morning, and most of my life, I could sleep the day away if allowed. A typical nap has always been two or three hours if uninterrupted and still left me exhausted. Sleep has never been refreshing.

To look at me, I don’t necessarily think you would know there is a problem.

But there is a problem: idiopathic hypersomnia.

For starters, I have always struggled with being on time, especially in the morning. Now I know it’s due to sleep inertia. Sitting in meetings, classes and presentations at conferences always led to a struggle to stay awake regardless of what time of day it was. It did not matter how much sleep I got at night. I was still exhausted every day.

Sleep inertia or sleep drunkenness is defined by:

Difficulty waking up
Struggling to wake up fully (often with an overwhelming desire to go back to sleep)
Feeling disoriented, confused or irritable
Having poor coordination
Doing tasks without realizing it
May last for a few hours after waking up
www.hypersomniafoundation.org

I thought I was lazy because while there were things around me that needed to be done, I would find myself lying down to take a nap. I’m a driven person, so I didn’t understand how I could be lazy, and yet, there I was, taking a nap in the middle of the afternoon on a regular basis.

Idiopathic Hypersomnia, or IH, is a rare sleep disorder characterized by excessive daytime sleepiness (EDS) (a strong daytime sleepiness or need to sleep during the day, even with enough sleep the night before), sleep inertia, long sleep (needing at least 11 hours of sleep per 24-hour period or more than 9 hours at night), needed naps (may be hard or impossible to avoid; usually last more than one hour; are unrestorative; may make the patient feel even worse) and poor quality sleep at night.

Source: Hypersomnia Foundation

IH is a neurological disorder similar to Narcolepsy (minus the cataplexy and sleep attacks). “Idiopathic” means unknown cause, which means I don’t have another health issue that is causing the disorder. Since there is no cause, there is no cure. There are treatments to minimize symptoms, but only one treatment has had any impact on me, and it is unreliable relief because I never know when the medication is going to work well, work a little or not work at all. And then there are the side effects to deal with.

In addition to the excessive sleepiness, IH also causes a feeling similar to depression. It feels like I’m wearing a weighted blanket that’s trying to hold me down, even though I have my depression and anxiety controlled (confirmed by my therapist and psychiatrist).

In fact, it can be confused with depression, and I think that’s part of why diagnosis is so hard to come by. It can take an average of 10-15 years to get a diagnosis of IH. My earliest memory of seeing a doctor about my “fatigue” was at the age of 21 being checked for chronic fatigue and testing to see if I had had mono at some point. I’ve been actively complaining about sleepiness since then.

IH causes brain fog. I have to work harder to focus and get things done both with my job in disaster at the American Red Cross and in my personal life. Have you heard of the “spoon theory?” It’s a metaphor for explaining the energy limitations of people with chronic illness. Each day, I have to pick the most important things I’m going to get done.

This Spoon Theory image and additional information can be found at https://kaleidoscopefightinglupus.org/spoon-theory/.

The similarities between IH and narcolepsy types 1 and 2, according to the Hypersomnia Foundation, are excessive daytime sleepiness and brain fog. IH and narcolepsy type 2 are more likely to have in common long sleep and severe sleep inertia. One difference, however, is that IH causes the need for long naps that are unrefreshing – like, you can’t fight the nap, but when you wake up, you’re no better off.

Comparison chart and additional information can be found at https://www.hypersomniafoundation.org/classification/.

Diagnosis of IH is a long process – clearly, 15-years long for some. For me it was at least 22 years. First, you need to find a good doctor who is knowledgeable about and experienced with IH. Then, your doctor will eliminate all of the normal causes for fatigue, like B12 deficiency and thyroid issues. Next, your doctor will order sleep studies.

The sleep studies consist of two parts in a 24-hour period: the PSG and the MSLT. The polysomnography (PSG) is an overnight test used to diagnose sleep apnea by monitoring you while you sleep. If the test determines you have sleep apnea, you don’t do the second part of the test. The doctor will address the sleep apnea first to see if that resolves the issues you’re having.

If you pass the PSG, you stay at the testing site to do a Multiple Sleep Latency Test (MSLT) where you are closely monitored and instructed to try to take a nap once every two hours to see if you fall asleep, how quickly you fall asleep and if you hit REM. After 30 minutes the test stops, and an hour and a half later, you go again. This is repeated four to five times in the same day. If you have excessive daytime sleepiness, this is brutal.

I am on my third IH doctor. By the time I got my diagnosis, I was no longer willing to put up with doctors who were unwilling or unable to help me. Now, my IH is managed by Dr. Foldvary, the director of the Cleveland Clinic Sleep Disorder Center. She is amazing. She thinks outside the box, and she never gives up. She is the one who got me into a new clinical trial.

Clinical trial physical and prep work, followed by a pre-trial eye exam at the Cleveland Clinic Cole Eye Institute.

Fingers crossed we’re on to something with the clinical trial. If not, I’ll keep on keeping on because I’ve got stuff to do – like fostering kittens and going to Hogwarts and doing volunteer work – regardless of how many spoons I have or if I need a nap in the middle.

Resources for Idiopathic Hypersomnia

Hypersomnia Foundation Facebook Page

Hypersomnia Foundation Website

Living with IH (Jazz Pharmaceuticals)

What is Idiopathic Hypersomnia? (Cleveland Clinic)

Sleep Counts (Jazz Pharmaceuticals)

…She’d See God Move Mountains

This past summer, I was on the verge of quitting my job. Like, walking-away-without-a-plan quitting. My internal gas tank was completely empty.

Let me pause here to say that I really do like my job. I love that God uses the American Red Cross as a medium through which I can love and serve like Jesus. (Want to learn more about what I do in Disaster at the American Red Cross? Check out “Humberto, Imelda and Pre-Landfall Disaster Response.”)

But occasionally I go through one of these “episodes.” I don’t know what else to call them, but I know they are born out of burnout, compassion fatigue, extreme emotional exhaustion and exacerbated chronic illness symptoms. Every time I have experienced one of these episodes, I have prayed and asked God to open a door and move me to another job. A less stressful job. A job more compatible with my chronic illness symptoms. And every time, He has said the same thing.

Stay.

I know He hears my prayers when I have no words, so He has definitely heard every sigh when that’s the answer He gives. Every time I plead my case to Him, the end result is the same: I submit and say, “If this is where You want me to be, I’ll stay as long as You want me here.”

The episode I had this past summer was different. It felt bigger than the others, more desperate. Looking back, I think this episode was also compounded by #spiritualwarfare because what happened when I obeyed and stayed instead of jumping ship has had a huge impact on my faith.

It started when we stood up a disaster relief operation in mid-February for flooding in Southern West Virginia. Not only are operations stressful and demanding, but the impact of knowing others – in this case, West Virginians – were affected, is heartbreaking.

February 2025 flooding in Welch, WV. Photo and story can be found on https://www.wvnews.com/.

I had been to the town of Welch, WV, in June 2024 on a mission trip to assist in cleaning up buildings on the main street that had been damaged from a previous round of flooding. The 2025 flood was a personal hurt for me because I had met some of the people who had moved to Welch and put everything they had into those buildings and starting new businesses and faith-based operations to help the rural community.

It was during the Southern West Virginia disaster operation that my dad was hospitalized for pneumonia and my cat, Miles, had a life-threatening health episode. Did I mention stress exacerbates #IdiopathicHypersomnia symptoms?

On Father’s Day, flash flooding in both Wheeling (Ohio County) and Fairmont (Marion County), WV, led us to stand up a second disaster operation. In Wheeling there were fatalities, adding a different level of complexity to the urgency of providing help on the ground.

Aftermath of the flash flooding in Ohio County, WV, on Father’s Day 2025 that took the lives of 7. Photo and story can be found at https://wvmetronews.com.

Then, on July 4, I woke up to news of the Texas flash flooding that took at least 135 lives, including children attending Camp Mystic.

Through my tears, I had that same conversation with God again, and again I got the same answer.

Stay.

What I did next is what I think Papa God was waiting for me to do all along. I said, “Okay, but I need your help. This job is too hard. My IH is too hard. I can’t do it by myself.”

“By myself.” That was part of the problem. I was trying to do this job God wanted me to do without Him. I had asked God for this job, but I had never invited Him into it. I don’t think when He put me in this job He intended for me to carry it all on my own because He knew it would be a lot. And as soon as those words were out of my mouth – “I need your help” – I now know He immediately rolled up His sleeves and got to work.

I didn’t realize until just a couple of weeks ago what God had been working on for me between July and November. There are three big things in particular – mountains He moved – that stick out to me when I think about how He heard me and He responded. First, I realized He had grown the size of my volunteer team. This is no easy feat. There is a shortage of volunteers, and the work we do on my team can be very complex. He has given me smart, willing, compassionate volunteers to help me carry the load every day, which is helpful to me in my chronic illness and a benefit to the region – and nation – when we need to respond to disaster.

Second, He provided me with the only medication that has had any kind of impact on my Idiopathic Hypersomnia. I needed that wakefulness to be able to train my new team members. I have literally been on every medication, including Xywav, in the last three years, and this is the first time I’ve experienced any level of relief.

Third – and this is the big one – He literally rerouted every hurricane in the 2025 season that was heading for the East Coast.

You read that right.My God moved the Mount Everest of mountains for me. He did what I never even entertained as a possibility when asking for help to get through hurricane season. He made what was expected to be an above average season the opposite.

“…Even the wind and waves obey Him!” (Matthew 8:27, Mark 4:41, Luke 8:25)

There has not been one single hurricane that has made landfall on the East Coast this hurricane season. Yes, Tropical Storm Chantal made landfall, but it wasn’t a hurricane. Yes, Hurricane Erin came close enough to cause beach erosion, strong surf, rip currents and coastal flooding, but it didn’t make landfall. Yes, Hurricane Melissa made landfall, but it was in Jamaica, not the U.S., making it an International Red Cross response. Even Imelda, who appeared to be on track to make landfall on the East Coast near North Carolina on the one-year anniversary of Hurricane Helene, made a sharp right out at sea like the others.

Photo of Imelda path from https://www.accuweather.com.

If you google the reason why most of this year’s hurricanes turned right and stayed out at sea instead of making landfall, you’ll see articles and videos explaining that dips – or troughs – in the jet stream have helped push the tropical systems out to sea and away from the East Coast. If you google why Imelda turned away from North Carolina, you’ll see credit given to Hurricane Humberto and the Fujiwhara effect.

But I know the truth. There was a mountain called Hurricane Season standing in my way, and when I asked God for general help, He got specific about clearing a path.

I can hear you now. “Jenn, you really think God diverted the entire hurricane season for you? Seriously?”

Serious as a Cat 5.

I think God answered a lot of people’s prayers by diverting those storms because a lot of people are tired, and a lot of people still need time to recover from last year.

But I also believe He did it for me. I asked for help, and He heard me and He answered.

Trust me, kid. I’ve got you.

If I had left my job based on my emotions instead of obeying and staying, I would have missed out on seeing God do big things. Faith-changing things. Worship-inspiring things. Every day I listen to “What an Awesome God” by Phil Wickham because it expresses what I feel after seeing what He has done. “Fire in His eyes. Healing in His veins. Everywhere His glory on display. Take a look at the stars. He can name ’em all. Before His throne every knee falls. The demons have to run, the angels have to praise.Even the wind and waves obey.”

I have a confession. My faith in God following through for me has always been weak. Not because I don’t think He can but because I think why would He do for me when there are so many others hurting more than I am. If I had left my job instead of listening to Him, I would not have seen what He is willing to do for me. I would not have seen how truly big my God is. How awesome my God is. It is emboldening and exciting and beautiful to see what He can do. And I understand now when people say that if you trust God, He will work things out in ways that are bigger and better than you can ever imagine.

I literally can’t wait to see what He does next.

Did you know I have a Spotify list for the songs I mention in my blog posts?

Look for Little Did She Know on Spotify and follow along!

Song Recommendation for the Week:

“Don’t Stop Praying” by Matthew West

“What’s your impossible? You’re ‘I need a miracle?’ What’s got you barely hanging by a single thread? …Don’t stop believing ‘cause mountains move with just a little faith. And your Father’s heard every single word you’re saying, so don’t stop praying.”

Hermione’s Rescue Story

Let me introduce you to Hermione, aka Cliffy.

Hermione was a black female kitten dumped at a riverside park outside of Charleston, WV, last fall.

On September 18, 2024, my friend, Tara, texted me a picture of soon-to-be Hermione and said, “Jenn, there is a two-month kitty at the (park). Do you think you could take him in?” Tara had already named the kitten Cliffy, and I would come to find out just how fully invested Tara was in Cliffy’s rescue.

By that point, I had already fostered about 20 cats in the calendar year and about 24 the year before. Fostering had become a full-time volunteer gig because the need for help never stops.

The 21 cats #WeasleyMeowtain fostered in 2024.

I had heard of this kitten. I had seen posts about it on a local Facebook page. This park was about an hour away from where I live and a good 15-20 minutes from my office. I knew how hard this was going to be: trapping in a public area, finding time to get to the park on a regular basis to get the kitten on a feeding schedule before trapping, getting the playful and oblivious-to-danger kitten into the trap. So, that same day Tara texted me, I went to the park to check out the situation and take the kitten some food. Despite my best hopes, the kitten was not socialized and would not come near me. It confirmed my theory that this was going to be a challenge.

With trapping, you really need the cat to be on a feeding schedule. You need the only food to come from you and for it to come at a certain time every day so the cat develops a schedule and understands the food is coming from you. Sometimes you can establish this routine in a few days; sometimes it takes a while. There was no way I was going to be able to go to the park every evening to establish that routine, but thankfully Tara was more than willing to do that part.

More than just the kitten’s skittishness working against us was well-meaning adults who were bringing the kitten cheeseburgers and other tasty human morsels that are 1) bad for the kitten’s tummy and 2) a deterrent for the kitten to eat our food if they are full and if the human food tastes better. Several adults had made mention on the Facebook page that they were going to go try to catch him. People chasing him was also not helpful, and add to that the human food that smells and tastes better than Kitten Chow, and we had an issue.

So, I made a sign. I posted notice at the riverfront area where the kitten was commonly seen frolicking in the weeds on the bank between the river and the parking lot. “Please DO NOT Feed Kitten! Rescue In Progress!” This was also the area where food scraps and empty containers had been left by those well-meaning humans with their greasy leftovers, and I was really hoping they would look up from the kitten in the weeds, read the sign, and respect what we were trying to do.

Yep, that’s Hermione playing in the background while I put out my sign.

I went back several times and set the trap, but the kitten never even went close to it. Yep, I tried all the things, including making a trail of food toward and into the trap and using smelly food like tuna. Kitten was not interested, and I was fading quickly to stress and #IdiopathicHypersomnia. Living so far away made it feel impossible. At work, we were dealing with disaster response for Hurricanes Helene and Milton. At home, I had my own five cats plus a foster litter of five: #TeamHogwarts.

#TeamHogwarts: Draco, Ron, Fred, George and there in the bottom right corner under the pile is Harry Potter.

Tara never let me quit, though. Every time I would try and fail, she would say, “Okay, what do we do next?”

On October 12, I worked late at the office, preparing volunteers to deploy to North Carolina for Helene disaster response. When I left the office, I headed over to the park, ready to set the trap with dinner but afraid it would fail again. I prayed so hard on the car ride over: God, please put that kitten in the trap as only You can.

You see, He had done it for me before. He put Molly Weasley in the trap when we rescued her from the gas station where she was dumped, and He put Rory Gilmore in the trap after multiple failed attempts. He could do it again, I knew it. I needed that kitten to be safe. Halloween was approaching, which isn’t good for a black cat, and the weather would be turning soon.

At the park, I set up the trap and put a small trail of tuna into the trap. I sat on a nearby bench and watched. The kitten showed up right on queue, and it went toward the trap. I had never seen it go toward the trap before. I couldn’t believe it when the kitten sniffed around the trap and then stuck its head in. I remained perfectly still, but inside, I was on the edge of my seat, cheering for it to go all the way in.

Y’all, I’m not even kidding. When that trap slammed shut with the kitten inside, I jumped up on my feet in a cheer and then cried and thanked God. He made it look so easy to trap a cat. If you knew how many times the cat had run from me, hid from the trap, or refused to get near the food I put out or the number of times Tara and her boyfriend had been within arms’ length of the kitten only for the kitten to run way into the weeds, you would understand. That evening in 20 minutes it was done.

At the time, I was on the board of a local rescue. The rescue was aware of the kitten, and it had agreed ahead of time that if I could trap the kitten, they would intake it as one of the rescue’s kittens and I could foster it till adoption. Having a rescue to work with is pivotal because this rescue was willing to cover all vet expenses. I provided the safe space, food, litter, transportation to the vet, and socialization.

I brought the kitten home to #WeasleyMeowtainLodge and quarantined it until it could be treated for fleas and worms and get its first round of vaccines. Turns out the kitten was a she, so I named her Hermione. After about a week of quarantine, she was added to #TeamHogwarts. The boys welcomed her with open paws, and soon it was like she had always been part of the litter.

Cliffy, formerly Hermione, now lives with her mom who never gave up on her and a sibling to keep her company in a home where she’ll never have to worry about cold weather or going hungry again.

Little Did She Know: Origin Story

You ever hit rock bottom and found God there? I did. And He delivered on examples of His faithfulness all on one Sunday morning to the point there was no doubt left in me that He is for me.

April 2025 was a tough month. Our foster kittens, #TeamFrosty, were on month four of a grueling ringworm treatment regimen. At work, we had wrapped up a disaster operation for flooding in Southern West Virginia, and those operations always take a toll. My #idiopathichypersomnia was flaring. My immune-compromised cat, Miles, got very sick.

Then my dad ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. It felt like things all around me were spinning out of control, and I was so defeated.

On Sunday, April 13th, I went to church. During the 30-minute drive, I told God I was broken, and then I proceeded to list off all the ways to prove my point. Looking back, I imagine He smiled and shook His head because He knew what I was going to find at church.

It’s true I always cry during the worship songs, but on this day, I was bawling, that whole-body-shaking kind of cry you never want anyone to see. Every single worship song sung that morning spoke directly to me:

God So Loved (We the Kingdom): “Come all you weary, come all you thirsty, Come to the well that never runs dry. Drink of the water, come and thirst no more.”

Stand in Your Love (Josh Baldwin): “When darkness tries to roll over my bones, When sorrow comes to steal the joy I own, When brokenness and pain is all I know, I won’t be shaken, no, I won’t be shaken. ‘Cause my fear doesn’t stand a chance When I stand in Your love.”

This Is Our God (Phil Wickham): “Remember that fear that took our breath away? Faith so weak that we could barely pray, But He heard every word, every whisper. This is our God, this is who He is, He loves us.”

I Was Made for More (Bethel Music, Josh Baldwin, and Jenn Johnson): “’Cause I wasn’t made to be tending a grave. I was called by name, Born and raised back to life again. I was made for more.”

The words that came to me over and over were: Trust me, kid. I’ve got you.

I sat down and began taking note in my phone of what was happening: Every single worship song is a love letter from Him to me. A DM from His lips to my heart. A not-so-gentle reminder that He is not limited by what I think makes me unworthy and that He is working for me.

The sermon that day, delivered by Pastor Jay, was on the last chapter of Ruth: “Ruth & Redemption.” The sermon’s theme was “Little did they know.”

That’s right – the blog name I had been praying for, asking God to give me, for over a year was handed to me just like that.

The sermon talked about how every person’s story has pain, death, and suffering. About how “We’re written into a greater story, and we’re sent out for the greatest purpose: to love God, to love others, to serve God, and help others know Him.”

About how “God uses broken people to fulfill His plan.”

I’m sure I was sitting there with my mouth wide open. I had just confessed that morning how broken I was, and God gave me reassurance through Jay’s sermon that my brokenness can’t stop Him.

Trust me, kid. I’ve got you.

“We don’t have it together, but we trust our lives to the One who does.”

After the service, I went back to the K-3 room for Sunday School duty, and reminders of God’s faithfulness continued to overwhelm me. I stood there, crying again, reading the month’s memory verse. John 16:33: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Trust me, kid.

The takeaway for the Sunday school lesson that day was “Whatever happens, remember God is still working.”

I’ve got you.

On April 13, I sought Him, and He didn’t just show up. He delivered reassurance after reassurance to me in a way that left no doubt. I don’t believe in coincidences. I do believe God moves us to do certain things, like pick those worship songs or write that sermon with specific words, because someone needs to hear the message a certain way.

God laid on my heart over a year ago to do this blog, and I have dragged my feet. Maybe it’s an exercise in obedience; maybe He wants me to get my creative juices flowing again for the next big adventure. I think, though, He wants me to do this blog because like I needed those worship songs and those sermon words that morning, someone out there needs to see examples of how faithful and loving our God is.

Thank you to Jay Teodoro for letting me borrow “Little Did She Know” for this blog. You can hear his sermon on Ruth & Redemption here.

Someone Out There Needs This

It’s been a tough couple of months. As a cat rescuer/foster, I got my hardest litter (to date) on December 12. I named Jack Frost that night because I thought he was going to die. One of the many times I got up that night to make sure he was still breathing, I sat outside the crate where he and his two sisters were quarantined and cried and prayed. I begged God to please not let him die, to please not do that to me. It was a selfish prayer, but I was honest with Him: I told Him my heart just could not take that.

Jack Frost survived the night, but our journey into getting him well was only just beginning. The week of Christmas, he took a turn for the worse. I spent the week transporting him from vet care in the day to emergency vet hospital monitoring at night. That Friday, another foster and I got up early and drove him from Charleston, WV, to Columbus, Ohio. It was thought he had congestive heart failure, and we needed an echocardiogram. There wasn’t anyone in West Virginia who could both do the echo and read the results right away; it would take a week for results. I didn’t know if we had a week.

Jack Frost in the emergency hospital on 12/24. Jack coming home from Columbus on 12/27.

In Columbus, we learned Jack’s pneumonia was clearing up and his heart was fine. We had a great win – an answer to prayer – and then the next battle began: ringworm treatment. Did you know that treating ringworm in cats is at best a six-week plan? In our house, it impacted five kittens and revolved around two quarantine rooms, daily cleanings, lots of laundry, medicated baths and wipes, and a crazy oral medication schedule because all five kittens needed a different dose starting on different days. It’s no surprise my my chronic illness – IH – picked right then to flare up.

IH or Idiopathic Hypersomnia is a neurological disorder similar to Narcolepsy that has no cause, no cure and for me no treatments that ease symptoms.

I asked myself – and God – many times why me. The answer I always got was that there’s a purpose. I have no idea what the purpose is. Maybe it’s showing that even with IH I can still dig in and do important things. Maybe it’s giving me knowledge for animal care that will be necessary at a future time. Maybe those kittens need to get healthy because they are meant to go to a home where a family really, really needs loving pets. Or maybe it was so I would focus my eyes more on Jesus and less on everything else.

I am the disaster workforce engagement manager for American Red Cross – Central Appalachia Region.

I’ve been going through a “season” probably since Hurricane Helene hit in late September. I work in disaster response with the American Red Cross. The aftermath – and our response – took a major toll on me. I was working long hours, trying to do my part to meet the needs of help and hope for those impacted. I had foster kittens at home that needed to be adopted, which is the most stressful part of fostering for me. Our October vacation was almost derailed because Priceline is terrible. The holidays came out of nowhere, and then the sick kittens arrived. I had gone off my antidepressants and found in the midst of my misery that I did, in fact, need therapeutic drugs (and that’s okay). I feel like I can’t ever catch my breath. With IH, I only have so much I can give every day, and I have to choose what will have to wait – or never get done – versus what must be done no matter how I feel. And there is so much guilt and worthlessness that goes with that. It has felt like a continuous downpour of chaos.

But what I have found is that at my rock bottom these last several weeks, I have looked to God more. I have stopped and noticed the beautiful sunset and thanked Him. I have paid attention when I have seen encouraging memes or songs that randomly play on the car radio that seem to speak directly to me. That’s not a coincidence. That’s a God nod. There was one meme I saw a recently on Facebook – and have seen several times since – that says something along the lines of “God, don’t just let me endure through this difficult time. Don’t just get me through it. Use this to grow me, to refine me like gold in the fire.” If I’m going to go through this, I want to gain from it, and I want to gain what will help me serve Papa God better. I’m exhausted, but He gives me strength. He drives me to continue doing good, despite the IH flair up and the ringworm that seems like it will never go away.

Why am I sharing all of this? Because God has put on my heart to share it. There is someone somewhere out there who needs to read this. Someone who needs a friend who is also walking through the storm and trying to learn to trust Jesus and needs to see they aren’t the only one struggling.

Maybe there’s someone out there trying to be a humanitarian – whether with people or animals – and is discouraged. People are hard to love. Animals are hard to understand. But our purpose remains. And maybe that someone needs some encouragement to continuing fighting the good fight. Or needs some tips on how to treat ringworm in a litter of kittens from someone who has now struggled through it for seven weeks.

Maybe there’s someone out there dealing with a chronic illness and they need to hear that yeah, it sucks, but we can’t give up living. We have an invisible illness that people discount or criticize, and it hurts. We have to fight harder for every accomplishment. Maybe they need to know someone understands – someone sees them.

So here I am, kicking off this blog – the blog God has had on my heart for better part of a year that I have continued to drag my feet with launching – because even though things are hard in my world right now, God is for me. And He’s for you. And sometimes He puts a meme or a song or a blog post in front of us to give us peace, to give us knowledge, and to show us we aren’t alone in our struggles. If that’s you – if you’re the one intended to see this post – I’m Jenn. Let’s be friends. We can fight and overcome the challenges of this life and our chronic illnesses and the struggles of humanitarianism together.